Month: November 2012

I’m fat. There’s no gentle or easy way to put it. I have an eating problem. It has bothered me and caused me problems off and on my entire life. It has been commented on both in my personal and professional life. Children have come up to me and pointed and said you’re fat. It makes me sad, but there is no one to blame but myself.
To be rejected for my weight and looks hurts. Comments from family members and friends also hurt. When I call them on it, they say they were just trying to help and I shouldn’t be so sensitive. Turning my own words against me.
I live alone and don’t have many friends around, so I eat alone a lot. It feels like I’m always looked at. I’m always embarrassed. The title of this post comes from an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Ray’s sister in law Amy has a brother Peter (played by Chris Elliot). Peter is extremely socially awkward. He tells Ray that he got dressed up and went to a local bar to meet women. He saw one he liked, and we t up to her and asked her how she was. Her answer is the title of the post. I didn’t see the episode in question until this year, and when I did, tears started flowing. I know what Peter is feeling.
Bottom line, I’m fat, and I know it.

I wish my life were better. I’m tired of saying I’m hanging in there. I’ve come to realize that 2012 has been one kick in the balls after another. My life sucks right now, but so what?
I’m going to be okay. This time in the desert that I consider 2012 has been rough. Living from check to check, rejection both professionally and personally, lied to, mental cruelty, weight gain, medical scares,etc.
That’s life. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, nowhere is it written that we are going to have an easy time while we are here. Life doesn’t work that way. Humans don’t work that way. No one owes me a thing. Do I wish things had turned out differently? Of course. They turned out how they turned out. I go forward from here. I have regrets of things done and things not done. Life only moves forward. It’s time I moved along with it.